April 7, 2019
Kelsie, ghost written by Lisa
As I lay here in bed watching over you sleep, I can’t help but think how I have failed you. I feel so bad that you are sick like this. I feel like this is my fault, I feel like I have failed as a mother. I wish there was something I could do to take it all away. I wish I could take the pain, the struggle, the worry away.
I wish you didn’t need treatment every month.
I wish you didn’t need to be poked and prodded all the time.
I wish you could live a normal life and not deal with hospital visits all the time.
I wish you didn’t have to lose your eye…
I wish people hadn’t laughed that time your eye fell out.
I wish all of this pain and struggle would go away...
But at the end of the day, GOD has a plan for you... for us... for everyone. I find myself feeling guilty for all of this quite often and I don’t think that feeling will ever go away... who knows, but I try so hard to not show it.
It’s so HARD to be strong. I feel like the whole world is falling apart and I just can’t quite pick up the pieces. Some days I gain momentum, and others I crumble.
You know when people say have all these kids, it’s amazing, you will love it, it’s SO easy, you just pop them out and you are good, but they don’t tell you what happens when they get sick and you just can’t do enough to make them better. They don’t tell you what it’s like to have to travel every single month, leave your other children behind, and have your baby willingly put under to undergo cancer treatment.
It’s stressful, it’s overwhelming.
No, I’m not going to start walking around saying “don’t have kids, they get sick,” but I don’t think you will ever be prepared for what motherhood entails, the good and the heart-wrenching, I sure wasn’t.
I say all this because, yes, it’s so hard but I wouldn’t give it up for anyone. YOU are my beautiful baby girl. God placed you in our hands for a reason. Not anyone, not anything and most definitely not any type of cancer will bring you down.
You, Harper, are the strongest girl I have ever met. I can’t wait to see what mountains you move as you continue to grow into this beautiful, strong, determined person.
For now, I will be your strength, your shoulder to cry on, and your mother who will move those mountains for you the best I can and the only way I know how.
This is hard, this will continue to be hard, this is a journey, but know that you are amazing and EYE love you.
Together we will conquer cancer, together we will make it out of this, my love. You WILL beat this.
EYE love you, “Helper,” and the legacy you have created,
Kelsie is undergoing a battle that we as mothers fear: illness of our children.
She conveyed to me the other day that she struggles every day, even amongst the positive outlook of Harper’s diagnosis.
Today, I hope that you partake in supporting Kelsie, supporting Harper, and their whole family, with the Exclusive EYE Love You bows and knots now available on threetinyknots.com. Proceeds from sales go directly toward Harper for her MRI and treatment for the month of April.
Help support Kelsie and her motto “Fighting cancer one bow at a time.”