When the first baby turns one, it feels like a giant flood gate of questions opens about having a second child:

“Is Molly going to get a sibling soon?”

“Are you going to try for a boy?”

“How many kids do you plan on having?”

I feel like I’ve been getting these questions ALL the time. And it’s ok, I totally understand the curiosity! Some people are very sensitive about answering these questions, and I get that, too, especially when you’ve experienced infant loss.

But for me, it’s not a matter of dodging these questions based on sensitivity; I just don’t have a legitimate answer to give.

My husband and I have gone back and forth on the whole second baby thing. Actually, let me back up a bit — When my husband and I were still dating, he always talked about having a big family. He wanted AT LEAST 3 kids. I wasn’t sure I wanted more than two.

Once our daughter came into the world, the tables started to turn. His whole “big family” idea completely vanished, and I thought I was ready for another baby by the time Molly turned 6 months old. Let me clarify: I thought I was ready, but really, that was just my post-partum hormones talking.

My husband was NOT on board with having two kids 15 months apart, and I had to respect that, so I decided to rein in my hormonal urges, and looking back, I’m so glad I did.

Fast-forward to our daughter turning 13 months old, and my husband is still wary about having a second kid, but much more open to talking about it. I, on the other hand, am not so sure I’m ready to talk about it. I have a few reservations about trying for another kid right now, which are:

1. I would have two under two. If we were to get pregnant before the end of this year, Molly and her sibling would be a little bit less than two years apart. There’s nothing wrong with that (my hormonal self was more than ready to commit to this option earlier this year), but at this point, I just don’t think it’s right for us.
2. My 2019 work schedule is CRAZY. This is a legitimate concern for me. I want to be in a really solid place professionally before I bring another baby into our family. Next year, I’ll be president of a women’s organization, rolling out TWO brand-new websites for my company, and traveling quite a bit. Being pregnant is exhausting, and I need to be very sure I can handle a toddler, a pregnancy, and fulfill all my work obligations.
3. The fear of another miscarriage is real. My husband and I both share this concern. I had two miscarriages before Molly (read my miscarriage story here), so the fear of a third is valid. I’m more scared of how this will affect my ability to parent Molly and be there for her while grieving another loss than I am about experiencing it in general.

Of course, if my husband and I found out we were pregnant tomorrow, we’d be happy, but still a bit shocked and scared. A healthy baby is a true blessing we would be so grateful for.

So, to answer the burning questions above:

“Is Molly going to get a sibling soon?”

I do hope to give her a sibling, but how soon is to be determined. Molly is at a really fun age right now, and we are enjoying the dynamics of our current family unit. I like the idea of Molly being at least 2.5-3 years apart from her next sibling, but we will roll with whatever life throws at us!

“Are you going to try for a boy?”

We will just try for a healthy baby! I had no gender preference with my first, and I don’t really have one for a second. Another girl would definitely be easier, since all of Molly’s hand-me-downs are pink, but I will be happy with whatever God chooses to give us! (Lisa has similar sentiments - Read her article on why she’s meant to have girls here.)

“How many kids do you plan on having?”

I think two is our max. Someone once told me that “the world is meant for a family of four,” (tables at restaurants have seating for four, planes are usually two seats per row, so each parent can sit with a child, etc.), and this really stuck with me. Three or more kids also seems daunting because my husband and I would be outnumbered! However, the next pregnancy could be twins (or more!), so as I said previously, we will just roll with it if that’s what life intends for us.

I think the best overall answer I can give is yes, my husband and I want another baby, but not right this second.

We know we should probably have a serious conversation about it in 2019, but we’re still not sure exactly when next year would be a good time to talk about it.

We’re blessed to have Molly and excited for whatever fate has in store for us!