October 9, 2019
My life is currently a disheveled mess.
Between working like crazy, packing up a house, preparing to live in a trailer while raising two young children, building our new house, and the never-ending piles of laundry, I’m pretty much running on “E” 24/7 (which feels like 25/8).
During this time, I’ve really started to pick out my shortcomings as a mother. I’ve been so irritable and stressed and it’s taking away from the special time in my girls’ lives that I should be embracing and enjoying.
When in meetings with my builder, I’m struggling juggling both children and I’m getting irritated with them just being, well, CHILDREN.
And that’s not fair.
They are upset and lashing out because they are leaving their safety net and I’m not helping them with that transition because I’m going through it myself.
But that’s motherhood, isn’t it?
On a daily basis, we are bombarded with situations that test us as women, try to break us, and yet we survive and push forward.
Some of us are attacking career goals and then coming home and picking up a whole other life as mothers.
Some of us are trying to keep a messy house together 24/7 and deal with the chaos, while having very little contact with the outside world.
Some of us are working late hours after the kids go to bed because we couldn’t get it all done during the day.
And yet, we constantly judge ourselves for our shortcomings.
Every night I lay my head on my pillow and tell myself I will do better the next day.
I will be nicer, more patient. I will be present and enjoy the moment. I won’t lose my temper. I will get all I need to get accomplished and still have time for self-care, intimacy with my husband, growing my businesses, enjoying conversation and engagement with friends, and prepare home-cooked meals.
I’m constantly falling short.
I’m constantly losing my steam.
Some days it’s amazing getting anything done before I pass out and start all over again.
I know this is just a season, one day I will look back and think about what a Wonder Woman I was, but today I’m still judging myself for not doing better.
We can always do better, that I know.
But sometimes I wish I felt like I was just ENOUGH.
And that is what we must do. We must accept our shortcomings.
We must accept what we are not, while appreciating all that we are.
Many days I feel like a failure, but some days I feel pretty amazing.
I judged myself for letting my girls stay up a little late one night and we ate doughnuts while waiting for Dad to arrive home, but I will never forget how they kept high-fiving each other and laughing over and over.
I’m not perfect. But sometimes in the most imperfect of moments, fun memories are made.
So appreciate and have grace with your shortcomings and acknowledge your strengths, because we all have many.
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