Lisa shares her BEST tips for dating your spouse at home and keeping the marriage alive and strong (even after having kids)!
9 Ways to Date Your Husband at Home (and Keep Your Marriage Strong!)
Real Talk: Marriage is flipping HARD. You add a couple wild little animals to the mix, and suddenly, you start to forget the person you procreated with altogether.
Each day, you are bombarded with so many requests from high-pitched little voices, you roll into bed exhausted and start snoring before you can even tell your husband, “Goodnight!”
Trust me, I’ve been in this exact situation. The situation where I feel like I haven’t “seen” my husband in days, even though he’s been sleeping right next to me. The situation where I feel like I haven’t had a conversation with him in weeks, because our kids are too busy crying and asking for something CONSTANTLY.
I’ve been with my husband, Matt, for 14 years, and married for 8 years. Having been together so long, it’s easy to forget the person you sleep next to day in and day out.
I started to take my husband’s presence for granted, but then I realized: “Hey! Someday, our kids will be out of the house, and I want to still know the person I built a family with!!”
With this in mind, I made it my mission to date my husband again!
But, see, this can be super hard when you have two little ones, are limited on time and budget (because diapers cost a freakin fortune!), AND are busy with work and school (Matt is going to school full-time online in addition to working - yikes!).
What I’ve come up with are some easy, hassle-proof ways to date your husband at HOME! No mom guilt leaving the kids all evening long, no extravagant nights out that you’ll regret financially for the rest of the month, and, most importantly, quality time with the one you love.
So, here are 9 creative ways to date your husband and keep the love (and communication) ALIVE!
After we put the girls down, we each pick out our movie of choice and rock, paper, scissors for the win! When we didn’t have Netflix, we used to pick from a pile of DVDs (yeah, I’m old!).
Either Matt would pick his top 3, and I would choose one or vice versa. That way, it was always a compromise versus, “What do you want to watch?” “I don’t know!?” And then you end up sitting there scrolling through until one of you says, “Let’s just go to bed.”
You can even pick the title the morning of, so you have something to look forward to all day long with your hubby (and that cuts down on time having to think about it when you’re tired)!
So pick a movie, grab a blanket, make a tub of popcorn and snuggle up!
So, Matt and I are super competitive. We used to get pretty intense with it in our youth, but we’ve calmed down a little in our old age. Just a little (for the sake of our daughters).
Is there a certain game you like to play? Play it together! From checkers, to Mancala, or even Go Fish!, any 2-person game is fun to play together. Matt taught me Chess a few years ago, so that’s our go-to.
Want to raise the stakes? Bet your clothes each move! You tend to get a little more competitive when you want the other person to get naked and you stay fully clothed (LOL!).
Whatever your game of choice may be, make it competitive, but make it FUN!
After we make sure the girls are all tucked in tight and safe and sound, I like to make myself a cup of coffee and snuggle Matt, (we roll all over each other, it’s kind of our thing - PDA to the max).
Matt loves the cold, so sometimes we will go outside where it’s nice and quiet, look at the stars, snuggle (me with my coffee and a blanket and Matt with a soda) and just talk. No phones, no kids, just us, talking.
We’ve always kind of been dreamers, so when we are sitting there looking at the stars, we like to talk about the things we will do in the future, like owning a beach house or cabin and traveling together again.
Dreaming and planning with your spouse forms a deeper connection that you can both look forward to than just living day-to-day.
You love the person, so dream with them!
So, this one may be hard to do after the kids go to bed because it’s so late, so this may be one where you send the kids to Grandma and Grandpa’s for dinner and cook at home!
It doesn’t have to be a HUGE, extravagant meal, it can be something simple! Maybe it’s your husband’s favorite meal and you’re making it for him as a surprise? Or maybe he’s cooking for you something you’ve always wanted to try?
You can even make it extra fun and suspenseful by blindfolding the other person, so they don’t know what they’re having. There are no real rules, but have fun with it, be silly, make a mess, and enjoy some quiet time together - with dessert!
“Lisa, you’re so boring.” No, no, just hear me out...
Finances are a HUGE issue in many marriages. It’s actually one of the leading causes of divorce. We are often taught that talking about money is taboo, and oftentimes, one of the spouses DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEIR FINANCIAL SITUATION IS!!!
So, yes, I’m putting this down on a date night, because you can sit down with your finances, budget together, come to a common understanding of your financial situation, and then begin to plan something together!
Planning something together can either be a trip the two of you have always wanted to take, or something you may want to buy that’s for the both of you!
Maybe the two of you have always wanted to take a trip to Vegas together to go see a Cirque Du Soleil show (the two of us are actually doing that for my 30th next month so that’s why I’m using that example).
Plan it out, set some income aside to make the dream possible, and save! If the two of you work on finances together, you will not only have a common understanding of how you can both live within your means, but what it will take to execute a dream together! (We offer financial consulting services, so if you need assistance, feel free to contact us on the Contact form located in the top corner.)
What I love about my Beachbody program is that I can log on at ANY time and do a workout ANYWHERE! And there are a ton of programs that both Matt and I can do together just at different levels. And for a years’ membership it’s only $99, which at only $8.25 a month is WAY cheaper than the gym. (You can get the annual membership here.)
All in all, a great way to connect is to sweat it out together. It may seem exhausting, but can oftentimes give you a boost of energy to have another workout later in between the sheets. ;p
Sometimes the BEST thing in the world after a long and exhausting day is just climbing in bed with your husband with a good book and snuggling. Pick a book that both of you would like and read it before bed together (you can each read your own book).
Each night before bed, read a chapter and then chat about it. This can be a book about relationships, a fiction, a self-help book, any novel that you both would find interesting and can talk about together.
You can even read out loud to each other as a way to strengthen communication.
Sparking conversation about a topic solidifies trust and a bond between both of you.
So pick up a book, snuggle in bed, and read away!
Our dream home happened to have a large soaker tub, and since we are often sore from our workouts, we like to take advantage, add some bubbles, and climb in together!
To add some intimacy, light your favorite candle or diffuse some lavender oil to relieve stress and help both of you sleep better. Dim the lights and just soak for 20 minutes and talk about each other’s day. My go-to diffuser is the Aiho Diffuser because it has a timer and nice lighting ambiance and my go-to lavender oil is TrinityDrop’s doTERRA oil that can be purchased here.
After a nice soak, take turns giving each other a massage on your bed! I like my feet rubbed, and Matt always requests I sit on his back while giving him a back massage.
Yeah, you knew this one was going to be on the list, because let’s be honest, this is what all men really think about (and that’s okay).
A big part of the relationship for men is physical intimacy. And that can be SUPER difficult after you’ve been harassed all day by your kids.
But in our marriage, physical intimacy is near the top, because it increases our emotional and verbal connection, so this type of date night is personally really important to us.
I’ll be honest, this was something I struggled with after having Ava. I was SUPER insecure about my body, and that wasn’t Matt’s fault, (he would tell me all the time how beautiful I was, but it didn’t matter, it was my self-perception).
But confidence was something I had to work through on my own and reintroduce into our relationship, because it is an important part of us as a couple.
I would recommend being open with one another about what you like. It’s important to communicate not only physically but verbally with your spouse, so they know and understand what you want AND need.
The modesty factor can be hard for some of us, but come on, they most likely saw their child being born, so give them some credit.
Another thing I recommend is being spontaneous! Wear that nighty that you purchased and never put on. Surprise him when he comes into the room already in bed, and simply ask him if he wants to get a little frisky (most of the time they probably won’t say no - okay, 100% of the time they won’t say no)!
Remember, always date the man you married, whether you’ve been married 7 months or 7 years. Show them your appreciation with some quality time, kid-free.
You don’t have to spend a ton of money, or even pawn your kids off on a sitter, because all of these can be done after the kids go to bed in the comfort of your own home.
Try to set a recurring date night with your husband once a week or every other week. Make it something you both look forward to and enjoy. Put it on both of your schedules, so other things don’t interfere.
Marriage is work and to have a strong, healthy marriage you have to work on it, but a lot of the work can be fun and rewarding.
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